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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Parody: St. Patrick's Gay Parade – Mayor de Blasio's Political Wet Dream

Disclaimer: The following is sheer spoof and parody so don't get your panties in a bunch; treat it as a purely rude-humoured, fictitious spin on reality.

Anyone hear about New York mayor, Bill de Blasio, finding himself between a rock and a hard place? It's hard to tell who is the rock and the hard place between the religious sensibilities of the St. Patrick's Day Parade crew and the ostracised, but throbbingly outspoken gay community, who are presently banned by an anti-gay policy at the parade. It would seem that one thing is clear for the progressive minded mayor; he's having an exceedingly tense time bringing all the sides together, in fact, he himself has kind of boycotted the parade, which means that he clearly has a greater hard-on for one side over the other. So the Mayor still has his work ahead of him if he wants to bring all parties to bed... or the table, either will do, apparently.

Reaching out to both sides, literally. Get a  grip,
man... Oh, sorry, you already got that covered.
Mayor de Balsio is presently looking for a means to resolve this matter to realise his ideal vision of New York as a progressive hub, or even a cultural melting pot of modernity. Some have suggested that he could host a Village People parade to counteract the St. Patrick's Day parade, but that would be too obvious, and then he would likely piss off the art community for lacking a taste for 'subtlety' and the city of sex and... uh, cities, can't have that now, can it? That last thing Mr. de Balsio would want for his political legacy would be the act of simultaneously, and single-handedly, alienating both the drama queens and queers of Big Apple.

Sources close to the Mayor do report that he's involved in some PR project planning that entails a list of proposals aimed at resolving this matter and bringing both sides together for a nice, warm—possibly moist—huddle. As it stands, rather firmly so, people openly expressing gay ideals or identities are not allowed at the parade. While a stern policy, this simply requires a work around. Now imagine for a moment, if they made catholic priests a regular feature of the parade? Perhaps even gave them a nice convent-style float.

A PR agency representative, who has had close dealings with Mayor de Balsio's office, informs us that this would be the ultimate trump card for the Mayor, as it would allow both the gay and paedophilic communities an instant access to the St. Patrick's Day parade while paying a rather meaningful, historical and culturally apt homage to the Catholic ethos. After all, nothing's a bolder hat tip—circumcised or otherwise—to the audacity of the Catholic theological identity crisis than the repressed homosexuality and its by-product of deviant child molestation that has become modus operandi for a sizeable number of the Catholic clergy.


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this is very offensive. shame on you beelzebub

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And you're very bored.

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