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Logo by Julian Spanos

Antitheistic. Long. Perplexing. Offensive. Whatever.

Warning: This blog does not cater to your whims. If you are offended, then I am not obliged to care. It ain't personal until otherwise stated.

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Thursday, July 21, 2011

Late as Always – One Boring Wedding, And One Snappy Funeral!

In keeping with the trend that I have established for myself over the many years, I am going to address two pieces of news that are almost four months too late. As my old Course Leader, Anne Karpf once paraphrased one of her peers, “News shouldn't be called news, it should be called Olds.” Heh, I absolutely agreed with that axiom and strive hard day in and day out to be the most lazy bastard that I can be and address news pieces that aren't just old. . . they're fuckin' archaic.

We have had an eventful close to the month of April, what with one of the most hotly televised and viewed weddings on the planet – Prince William marrying Kate Middleton; an utterly boring event that somehow captured the dying minds of billions across the planet. This baffling occurrence of unified brain-fart was swiftly followed by news that the eternal Boogie Man of the post-9/11 world, Osama bin Laden, was successfully apprehended, and killed by the C.I.A. He was also DNA sampled; possibly autopsied. His body was fully inspected to back viability of identification, the spoils of which are not to be shared with the rest of us in the Free World TM for the sake of avoiding antagonistic reaction, which happened anyway to no one's surprise. What's more, after all of the above, Osama's body was swiftly dragged all the way across the Pakistani landscape – from North to South – and dumped into the sea as a momentous burial, shrouded by apologies and excuses, some of which make no damned sense. What's really astounding is the fact that all of the above pertaining to the killing of the Boogie Man, and its aftermath, happened within the course of a single day.

“Wow, that's really convenient!” – My Reaction

“You fuckin' tin-foil hatter! You're mad! The witch is dead and we're all trying to celebrate this apex in our chapter of FreedomTM while individuals like yourself are trying to cast aspersions on this victory!” – Common Response

“Well. Sorry. I was speaking literally. I mean it is a very convenient truth for us all to swallow; sometimes I think it's a magic pill created in a lab – it's so palatable and perfect. Let us not even dwell on the fact that this matter was dealt with so efficiently and quickly that it makes some of us wonder how this useless cunt of a human being became such a big deal in the first place, but I'll leave my thinking cap-err, tin-foil hat in the closet this time. The asshole's dead! HELL YEAH! Drinks on the house! We've won, Johnny!” – My Surrender

Moments like this make me realise that Beyond Freedom and Dignity was indeed an excellent, and almost prophetic book written by Behaviourist—or I should say the true Founding Father of Behaviourism, Burrhus Fredric Skinner. Sorry, John Broadus Watson fans; I acknowledge that he most certainly founded the concept, but Skinner's the man that gave this concept its eternal life. Skinner was an often misunderstood individual for his strict devotion to only the empiricist branch of Psychology and Social Engineering. However, dehumanising as the man may seem, his disciplined constrictions, anti-theoretical stance, and critical view of popular abstractions such as Freedom and Dignity came with merit, because they help expose the relevance and profound presence of control in the human condition and in Skinner's own words, cultural engineering.

Anyway, I digress, because I think before attacking conspiracy theories and the de-constructive views of those that make the Critical Thinker's choice -- to analyse Osama's demise and bring up poignant questions about the obscurities surrounding said demise -- people need to read Beyond Freedom and Dignity and then re-examine our collective acceptance of news and so-called facts. Such an approach could possibly restrict the collectivist myopia just about enough to give us room to consider our own willing and programmed gullibility, geared towards accepting even some of the most poorly tailored dog and pony acts that couldn't even fool the untrained-whimsy of a child. Perhaps we need to start thinking a little bit like errant children to get out of this rut.

“But Osama is dead, asshole!” – The Next Wave

“Holy fucking shit! Great! We've won! What now?! Can we see his body? Oh wait, we buried him at sea because he's Moslem, oh, they don't like that—wait, we buried him at sea because we did not want to enshrine such an infamous individual and thus turn an area into a hot-bed of controversy and false worship. So how about some photos?! Whoops! Nope! Can't do that either because that'd provoke extremism that's already happening, and revenge bombings, that are also already happening! FreedomTM! FUCK YEAH!” - Loaded Proclamation

“If Tron: Legacy could give us a CGI'd Jeff Bridges in young form, then I am certain that The Powers That Be can amuse us with something a little more convincing, alluring and credulous, than a couple of blurry pixelised photos with red splodges that I could recreate with no more than five Euros worth of Jam and Organic Tomato Puree! There, I fuckin' killed the guy, and that's my proof because I have photos of supposed blood splatter! Now hail me as the new curator of facts, saviour of the Democratic world, and the sole man who privatised FreedomTM. . . and also pay for the damn goods I'm selling – in this case bullshit-loaded acts –, you commie dirt-bag!” - Closer

Quite frankly, I am tired of this bullshit. The only thing I was looking forward to during the Bank Holiday Weekend in the name of their Royal Highnesses, was the actual holiday aspect. Why anyone would waste so much time zoning out to a boring, bland, repetitive, constipated ceremony, commemorating an absolute waste of time, money and productivity – not to mention, a facade – is an absolute mind boggle. Of course I know that this is a case of demand and most people pay for this kind of shit; otherwise, gossip magazines and dirt sheets wouldn't be selling the way they do by these pseudo journalists who manufacture cheap stories for a living. Yes, I realise that the mass populace has reached such an all-time low from its struggles in the ever-congested Rat Race that it must paralyse itself with such mediocrity that literally mocks this accomplishment of self-induced ignorance as we all slowly inch away into our own graves. Nevertheless, I think we have a moral duty – and I know it might sound contradictory after the B.F. Skinner monologue up there – to continue begging this question: why the fuck have we reached this level of self-immolating depravity?

Secondly, and more importantly, I am ashamed of the mainstream media. These people should be bartering actual information of value and purpose and not serve as proverbial whores in the brothel of marketed information that is only stupefying us further as a collective. This is where the real shame begins and ends – why in this day and age of Freedom and Dignity and Valuable Information, do we dedicate a whole day's worth of news broadcast to this inconsequential dramatisation of extreme pretentiousness? Even if our capitalistic urges can be used to explain the market motivation for this mind-numbing bullshit, people should still herald these moments as our downfall when some shitty marriage of self-importance is taking centre-stage over a whole slew of actual news and worthwhile information that could better serve and inform the people – educate the audience.

When it appears like I am asking this question, I am not actually asking a question, I'm making a rhetorical contention. And to say otherwise, or simply trivialise the matter with a 'but people are into this shit' argument only emphasises extreme defeatism in the face of something that needs purging!” – My Contention

But real news is sad and boring!” - Common Argument

As opposed to shit like a mundane wedding of mechanistic royals reinforcing the time honoured classism cliché? It's the industry's shameless submission to such stuff that makes an absolute mockery of the whole journalistic medium.” - My Rebuttal

Oh, you mean stuff that is fun, stuff that is other than plain boring and depressing news! Look, a Prince finally got a Commoner for a Princess. . . so romantic and inspirational!” – Resounding Retort

That's fuckin' idiotic, and ten-folds a disgrace for being dignified as an argument, bought out by a thinking viable member of the genus Homo sapians, who is actually making crippled-justifications for this crap when they ought to have better integrity matched by a hunger for knowledge and facts! Shame on you! You should be ridiculed openly for squandering your intellect, if not to motivate and provoke an actual realisation of just how shameless your ignorance has become!” – Manifesto

Without overstating the obvious yet again, let's be clear that I would be among the first to admit that people are apparently groomed to appreciate such shenanigans as opposed to thought provoking information that might be unsettling to confront at times. I am not contending or expressing shock to this observation as though it were newly realised, but I am expressing general disbelief that a race of thinkers has devolved so much in the process of running through their hamster wheels. It's pathetic, and pointing out this obvious issue isn't posing a question, it's simply holding a mirror up against something critically wrong – it's almost a moral directive for those of us that still give a shit. I fully accept that whether I like it or not, mindless, ignorant, and senseless bullshit will continue to pollute the airwaves. Likewise, whether the mainstream likes it or not, there will be people ready to hold up a mirror to such follies and continue to ridicule this sordid cultural decline in hopes of triggering some kind of collective awakening.

The low down on all the points discussed:

  • Osama was nothing more than a gimmick – conspiracy theories are irrelevant in light of this fact. He was more of a Political Position of Power than even a figure and individuals like him can be created and recreated for centuries to come just as they have in the centuries gone; it's a job vacancy that'll be filled by anyone willing to play head-asshole of the world. We already have a budding list of cock-suckers on all sides of the war fence willing to perpetuate conflict for the sake of their own take on 'Moral Superiority'. Sorry, one dubiously shoddy claim of 'dead Osama' doesn't change anything in our lives. The Good Guys – if there were any in the first place – have not won. We're still neck deep in a cesspool of shit that is only looking to get worse. Not to mention, a dead Osama will not deal with your centralised banking system running rampant with a massive Financial Crisis that our governments are paying off for, while the poor class gets shafted, blamed, and stigmatised as lazy 'Communist Scape Goats' in light of this New Age Economic Apocalypse.

  • The news is dreary, boring, and not fun to the dopamine-starved minds of the apathetic masses craving their next uptake of serotonin! However, there's a reason for that because the world's a fucked up place, and accurate news should present an accurate account of the fucked-up picture. When we want to try to keep up to date with the facts, we try to make out a blurry picture of reality from the already watered-down and skewed bullshit that is presented to us by a very pretentious and self-conscious News Media engrossed in the shameless act of bartering information for the sheer goal to create more revenue and ratings. If you want amusement and fun, switch to fucking CBBC, Disney Channel or Nick-fucking-Jr. – that's your domain for fun. Insisting that the already compromised news sources be further blunted and trivialised with absolute waste of time and space such as the Royal Wedding is shameful and a poor reflection of resource management. Even Royalists should be able to appreciate the idea that the Royal Wedding – with all the money and resources already being pumped in – shouldn't be anything more than a meagre five-minute news piece; leave the rest of the trivialities to the glossy magazines and tabloids and give us our REAL news A.K.A. World Affairs, and the melancholy of “OH, GOD! WE'RE GOING TO BURN, DUDE!” You don't see some of us dissenters complaining that Cartoon Network is too 'fun' now, do you? So fuck the hell off and give us back our news.

Until the next time, which will probably be next year given my activity and self-consumed sense of nihilism, take it easy, fuckers.


P.S. Dear Anne, if you ever have the misfortune of running into this website. Please do not take offence to the quote. I was honoured to be your student and I felt that in light of everything that has happened, your line was very fitting, almost like a key sonnet in a tragic poem – I couldn't help but assimilate its wisdom with due credit. So again, please do not take offence – I already have too many enemies and haters, and certainly don't wish to make another one out of one of my mentors.