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Logo by Julian Spanos

Antitheistic. Long. Perplexing. Offensive. Whatever.

Warning: This blog does not cater to your whims. If you are offended, then I am not obliged to care. It ain't personal until otherwise stated.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Merry-fuckin'-day of capitalist progress and virtually no enjoyment!

Here I am, again, back from the agony of trying something ‘different’, and trying to aspire to the time-honoured cliché of a little ‘change’. Okay, so I tried to shut-the-fuck-up for a good few months; I tried to meditate, deviate, and segregate my inner demons in order to rectify my perception, which was so wrongly dubbed ‘flawed’ by a group of external observers, who could do well by getting their own heads out of their asses.

Yes, I actually listened to a bunch of ‘normaloids’; I tried my hand at being passive, and it didn’t work. The final straw came this Christmas Eve, when I saw people literally pissing all over the place. I mean, seriously, I have nothing against ‘happiness’; it just baffles me how you people keep select days to feel ‘happy’, almost as though you consider happiness a guilty pleasure that should only be experienced in very minute doses. However, I am not getting into this to debate the grand public’s general hypocrisies. I think it’s pretty obvious that if people weren’t a bunch of sad cynical fucks in denial, then they’d be celebrating everyday like calm shmucks rather than manic morons saving up their neurotic desires for specific days like religious events, birthdays, and other assorted bullshit that has served as a concrete testament to humankind’s innate denial, weakness, and subtle bondage with guilt-associated happiness. If you people really gave a shit about the premise of being happy - everyday would be as good as the rest, rather than select days!

Of course, I am not going to argue the above, because my views are prominently affirmed by the perpetuating hypocrisy of billions; nothing refutes the factual actions in the masses. However, I have to wonder what’s happened to Christmas. I mean, to be honest, I could actually stand this holiday, once upon a time. Hell, I won’t lie, I’ve even had my share of Christmas trees, albeit, some odd ones. The first tree I ever got, I placed a small figure of Jason from “Jason goes to Hell” on top of the tree, and most of the tree itself was decorated with various action figures that my dentist used to give me for not throwing tantrums while I was there. So yes, I personally had decent memories of Christmas. Unfortunately, this general feeling has been bludgeoned by some recent revelations.

I mean, I look outside, and I see all these people, sad and happy, trying to bank on this day as if it’s really going to serve as a miracle. It leaves me bewildered to think that on the eve of the day that most of these folks consider a divine day of happiness, they make life ten-folds cumbersome than it really ever needs to be. Shopping like mad fucks, forcing a snowball effect on the rest of us, who start doing contingency shopping a good week before, simply out of fear of being trampled by the Christmas-Crowd! So yes, you’ve got the Christmas Crusaders, jacked up on Christmas spirit and in massive numbers on Christmas Eve, so much so that you couldn’t stroll on a sidewalk without someone or something running up your ass! Ah, but because of this jacked up mob, we’ve effectively forced the so-called ‘secularists’ who don’t celebrate this day, to unwittingly march out in droves, days before Christmas, so they can avoid the Christmas Crusaders. In the end, this leaves me with the insurmountable task of enduring massive droves of both groups, weeks before Christmas. December was an official nightmare for me, and the nightmare reached a cliff hanging climax as I found myself, with not even six-inches of room to move inside Sainsbury’s with people all over the fucking place, and acting like complete idiots, for which I pardon most of them, because I expect nothing better - they’re people, after all!

My only insurance against stupefied posses/people, is the numbers factor; the fewer - the better, and this was something that was empirically absent this Christmas eve, as people were packed like an entire colony of cockroaches, literally permeating through one another, and being every so stupid about going about their business. They weren’t letting things move on! I mean, there was one group of idiots, parked in the middle of a small path, yakking away on the phone! I was overcome with a desire to jump on top of one of the shelves, and then dropkicking the entire group. So I looked at the whole situation; struggled to overcome my psychotic desire for mass punching, and mused to myself: “All this in celebration! All this inconvenience and discomfort, for celebration? There had better be a massive slew of fireworks, world peace, free drug-binge, and sexual orgies at the end of this ordeal!”

Seriously, man, how do these people comprehend self-torture at the cost of some flawed beliefs that Jesus was born on this day, which most of my Pagan buddies will disagree with, and if that doesn’t kick you in the ass, then go ahead and ask the Jehovah’s witnesses. Oh and where would we be without Santa Claus, eh? “Ho! Ho! Ho!” I just love that line! We do need more whores and they should be allowed to be proud of their careers, if they’re truly proud, that is. I digress, however, because there was no ‘ho’ this Christmas aside from the insane rush; people being stupid; me loosing it; people loosing it; dogs loosing it, all in the spirit of celebration! Yeah, right, this Christmas celebration really reworked my preconception of the word ‘oxymoron’.

Oh, and then came the concluding kick in the pants: The day following Christmas. I remember a colleague of mine wrote a small monologue on how the suicide rates skyrocket on that day. Oh, sure, I can see that one coming - thousands of people, agitated beyond measure by being packed in droves; all the money being jacked away into large stores, perpetuating our post-modern consumer culture nightmare. I know if I’d wake up two days later, realise I have spewed away so much money, and probably lost a good few years of my biological life through the stress and abuse of the prior two days, then even I’d consider killing myself. Sorry, I don’t mean to mock death, but this entire ‘quadrant’ of the season is scientific proof of humanity’s bipolar denial. They celebrate Christmas by making themselves miserable, and then closing that neurosis by contemplating suicide, with a few, even taking the daring leap to Death Ville. Yeah, the only people having a Christmas and supplements to celebrate over, are the connoisseurs of this consumer culture: Corporations. I think Zombie chick put it best: “Enjoy the Capitalist day of love and hypocrisy!” Seriously, that one line sums up my exact observations of the last four-days of explicit human redundancy, and a waste of time and sentiment on a grand scale. Congratulations, fuckers; new levels of fail have been achieved!

To our Christmas crusaders, I hope you morons had fun making life as difficult as possible.

To our so-called secularists who have to make as much of a peril out of this holiday; hope you guys enjoyed making your own lives twice as miserable by giving the crusaders the satisfaction through your river of tears and pointless moaning.

To anyone else who might wanna’ clump me up into the ‘secularist bloc’ - FUCK YOU! I MADE PERTINENT POINTS, DAMN IT!

Have a good one, fuckers! Furthermore, when celebrating, try to work towards enjoying yourselves rather than turning a celebration into a fiscal bullet hole, and a fucking obsessive chore; learn from the follies of the masses.