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Warning: This blog does not cater to your whims. If you are offended, then I am not obliged to care. It ain't personal until otherwise stated.

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Friday, October 06, 2006

Rant: Mad-man Kade addresses London!

Alrighty, a bit of the lighter subject matter for discussion today. You see, I am addressing the following towards the diversely twisted public of London, whom in large part, I respect, for their no-nonsense lives of secular freedom, crazy pub-antics, and other petty things along those lines. Having that said, it should be noted that I have some complaints with some of the recent revelations that I've had to digest; these social animals that I still respect, have developed some very annoying habitual traits.

Now, it’s no state secret that I am getting awfully impatient with an ever growing world, that is developing a progressive trend towards ignoring signs and literature that’s found on boards and what not else. It really ticks me off, to find people--my own colleagues amongst many--passing a certain turning, and then wondering, “When will that turn come?” Of course, right after they ignore the big fucking sign that just passed overhead, informing the driver of the given turn. Seriously, it just pisses me off to no ends; if people had trouble believing signs, then that still doesn’t explain the negligence. I mean, I can still read a sign, and then make a decision after reading the damned thing; can the rest of the busy world take the time out of their hectic schedules to read a bit? Fuck no! Joe-I’m-A-Fucking-Businessman-Who-Can-Buy-And-Sell-Your-Ass-On-The-Free-Market, spares the time to indulge in his posh collection of novels, but when it comes down to a simple sign that reads, “Keep Left” in the subway tunnels; “Swing and a miss, baby!” The man wouldn’t even know if the sign ever existed, even after using that same fucking tunnel for years.

I, for one, vividly know of the sign found in the Holloway Road tube-station. I know this sign, because it’s come across me so many times that it became well retained as conscious memory; however, the same memory was then burned into a permanently painful reminiscence, as following that sign has resulted in over four (yes, over four) briefcases, being jabbed into my crotch, simply because some nimrod at one of the turns was not keeping left, unlike silly old me, who decided to make the mistake of actually following the civic principle that’s preached by the given sign. What the fuck, man? If I wanted a fucking vasectomy, I’d go to the relevant professionals, and have a painless treatment; I don’t need to have sharp corporate jocks, ignoring signs and hamming their briefcases into my fucking nuts! READ, DAMN YOU! READ! “KEEP LEFT!”

Every fucking time! Ever since I hit fucking puberty, I’ve had luggage drop on me from all sides, simply because some holier-than-thou shmuck decided to supersede a sign over his-or-her self-estimated intellectual awareness.

Oh, and while I’m touching on the subject of the arrogant modern-person, relying on his-or-her intelligence and commonsense; I would also like to use this subject to segue into pedestrian traffic-signal crossings. Yes, you know those cute little zebra crossings where you have a special signal that any pedestrian can approach, and activate by pressing one of those white buttons on a panel, followed by a short wait and then a signal to pass through. Now, I’ve been using this shit for years, literally; I think these signals are too rash for London’s current traffic congestion. I mean, the damn thing flicks on for a mere four-seconds, and unlike ten-years-ago, if you’re not off that strip within another additional second, you’re bound to become something very close to a largely smeared road kill. Ah, but that is another matter altogether, and I’m sure the relevant authorities are trying to come up with creative means to circumvent this problem. London does indeed have a growing traffic problem, and this is affecting a lot of things in the daily lives of us poor pedestrians. However, I digress with all this banter.

As already mentioned, the other focus of my rant was actually to address the so-called common sense of my fellow pedestrians. Now, knowing just how dangerous and short-on-time these traffic crossings can be, one would expect pedestrians to follow a certain code as to allow other fellow pedestrians safe passage, rather than doing something that would endanger one of the other people crossing at the time, like crossing at a fucking diagonal angle. Yes, just picture the following; you’re standing on one side of a crowded signal; you get the green light, and people move, but suddenly, the person right beside you, decides to bisect you by moving diagonally and across - overtaking you and even slowing you down in the process and pushing you further towards the edge of the crossing area. How the fuck does this help? It causes fucking chaos, and it’s almost become common practice in London, now; I am fucking shocked! People weren’t like this before! They used the damned signal for civil passage; they walked straight, and avoided getting in the way of a fellow pedestrian. On the other hand, this time, some nimrod decided to get diagonal on me, as he shot out of the side of the signal while it was changing, and almost forced me right off the damned crossing, right when the busses got a fucking green light! NEWS FLASH, LONDON: I DON’T COLLIDE VERY WELL AGAINST THE FUCKING NUMBER 29 BUS! It just doesn’t make my day, and doesn’t result in a pretty picture! I smear, instead! Yeah? You see, in this twisted world of physics, human beings and mobile busses aren’t exactly toe-to-toe in physical fortitude; normally when a person runs into a bus, he-or-she gets into a lot of trouble. Furthermore, I ain’t no fucking hulk! Okay? I could see the remote possibility of a David vs. Goliath analogy, if I was one of the world’s strongest men; however, I am not! I am hardly of mass; the London winds almost knock me over on my ass, okay? So just picture what a bus would do to me, simply because you had to emerge out of no where, and shoot across a zebra-crossing, diagonally! This is seriously a very dangerous trend, and I am fucking sick of the way things are going for the generally apathetic public.

Therefore, the two points of this rant:
- Read the fucking signs.
- Use traffic-signal crossings the way they’re meant to be used, and walk in a remotely straight line rather than making cumbersome diagonals. Additional subtle point: I don’t collide very well with busses, sorry! I wish I could’ve done better, but perhaps for now, you morons could just try learning how to cross a signal the right way!

And yes, one more thing: Sainsbury’s - Five-visits-in-a-fucking-row, and still no condoms! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR INVENTORY? TOO MANY HORNY, FAMILY-PLANNING TWITS, PERHAPS?

That’s all for now! Stay cool, fuckers!

Cheers,
Kade

Monday, October 02, 2006

Moslems vs. Pope: I see, so the holy man in white's been pushing some buttons! Ha! Ha! Ha!

This one’s coming in real late, but I had some very serious issues to tackle, which included a swift departure from the hellhole in which I was trapped. Also in addition, I would like to dedicate the following rant to Yoku, the bastard who began to question my psychological state when he heard nothing from me on the following news piece; this one’s for you, ya’ picky bastard! Never underestimate the insanity-spectrum that is Kade!

Now, is anyone following the whiplash effect from the Pope’s comments that supposedly offended Moslems? Yes, once again, Islam-o-dumb-fucks blow a vein in their cocks; unable to stomach even trace element of dissention against their hound of a dogma that they insist on forcing the rest of us to call a religion of peace, be it at even the semi-automatic calibre gunpoint of a fucking AK-47. For once, I heart the fuckin’ pope! As much as I’d like to see a mullah and the pope, bitch-slap each other into happy oblivion--my happy oblivion--I’m actually finding myself gravitating in favour of the pope! So you go, big man in white clothes!

As for the Moslem “Ulemah” or as I like to call it, Mushy Omelette; fuck ‘em! I saw the imagery; on one side, we had the Pope, muttering something incoherently, and on the other side, we had ugly baboons bouncing up and down, yelling condemnations and burning effigies of the Pope, on a fuckin’ cross - yeah, real classy! For a bunch of twats who demand respect--which I still think is an esoteric expectation that they have no fucking right to impose on the rest of us--they certainly exude savage double-standards. Keep it up, you idiots! Your stupid duplicity reeks through your superficial dogma like the pungent stench of hog-anus.

Remaining on the subject of Islam-o-hideousness; the contrast that’s created between the pope and the hordes of Islamic dogs-err, rabies-ridden human-monkeys, reminded me of the opposite ends of those diagrams that one can find in books that promote the theory of evolution; one side occupied by the savage, non-composite animal prototype, while the other side occupied by its post modern archetype - a specimen of complexity and cerebral advancement. Seriously, it really seems like the Islamic psychological mythos--in general--hasn’t grown by any margin; if anything, they only seem to be getting dangerously wild, and dumber by every passing day.

Meanwhile, in the realm of dialogue, certain Islamic scholars believe that the Pope’s follow-up comments were different from his comments, earlier on, and is a positive step towards “apologising to the Islamic community,” (BBC). This particular fragment, I consider very amusing. So, in this goal of apologising, how will the Islamic community articulate its own return apology, you know, for burning and defiling effigies upon effigies of the pope; not to mention, making a distasteful mockery of the crucifixion process. From the standpoint of a civic, atheist observer, and considering that most centre-right Moslems are not very good with offering verbal dissent in speech, when their dicks are popping with frustration, I would have to wonder how they’ll “say sorry” for burning all those effigies of the pope; would most of these barbarians offer apology by crucifying themselves? Perhaps wielding a crown of thorns and then bashing their heads against a stone wall might be another alternative. Sorry, it’s sick, but I’m just trying to go by pattern: Islamic twits have a problem with actual, verbal speech; they tend to transmit thoughts like primal creatures through wild, ghastly behavioural traits that even a ravaged-baboon would consider extreme, unsociable, and of course, embarrassing. Therefore, going by this retarded inability to actually resort to dissent in speech, and instead, acting like rabid dogs, would these same twits apologise in a similarly primal manner? “Oook! Oook! Me Moslem! Me make sorry for being barbaric dick!” the charming statement before the disgusting ape would dash its own brains against a wall.

These monkeys want an apology? That’s what they always want, so you know what - fuck the pope; I’ll give them an apology of my own!
- I apologise that these people are such a savage tribe of maladjusted morons.
- I apologise for their inability to grow a mentality superior to even that of a rabidly brain-decayed low-land gorilla.
- I apologise for the fact that due to courtship, these parasitical beings have reproduced to the degree of holding over a one-billion-share stock of the global population; cockroaches are less disgusting, and have more uses under study.
- I apologise for the apologist-moderates who defend scum, and then demand that their religion be revered as one of peace and tolerance, while blatantly defending the idea of stoning adulterers and apostates.
- I apologise that their progressive minority are too impotent and intimidated to give their religion a progressive stride.

Over and above all, a direct word to these bastards: “I am sorry that myself and the rest of the civilised world must attempt to fathom the presence of you sick bastards and your barbaric ways! I am sick of having to tolerate your disgusting tarnishing presence on the canvas of all human progress, while you sit back and threaten that very civility with your heinous ways! I AM SORRY THAT I HAVE TO SHARE A WORLD WITH THIS INSIDEOUS BREED OF RELIGIOUS-FASCISTS!”

Yeah, I’m pissed.

Later,
Kade