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Logo by Julian Spanos

Antitheistic. Long. Perplexing. Offensive. Whatever.

Warning: This blog does not cater to your whims. If you are offended, then I am not obliged to care. It ain't personal until otherwise stated.

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

WWE - No Way Out 2006: KILLER PPV!

Oh, fuckin’ hell! Today was a day that debunked the notion of humankind’s ever increasing creative redundancy. I finally experienced joy and thrill in watching a spectacle; a feat that I last achieved somewhere in the summer of 1999. So before I proceed, lemme’ be the first to say, “Oh, bloody fuckin’ hell! Graaaa!”

“Graaa?” -- Bleak observation.
“Don’t be killin’ the buzz, you buzz kill!” -- Response.


Some of you must be wondering what I am goin’ on about with all this enthusiasm shrouded in riddles and abstract anomalies. You see, alongside many of those less than aptly defined ‘interests’ of mine, I forgot to mention another vague source: wrestling. Yes, folks, I used to enjoy my share of good professional wrestling, and it’s been years since I’ve had a truly positive outlook on the industry.

“But dooode! It’s fake!” -- Critique.
“How about I pile-drive your ass onto a flexible mat; make you move about as though nothing happened and then have you determine whether ‘fake’ would be the ideally appropriate way to describe this somewhat physically challenging form of sports-entertainment.” -- My finality on the matter, because I don’t wanna’ get into debates on fake vs. real vs. perpetual human stupidity. I don’t give a shit about its status; I just enjoy what I see, or I used to, once. And no, it’s fuckin’ tough! Planned, but tough!


I haven’t enjoyed a good pay-per-view (PPV) for eons now, and I felt that this was the product of not one deterioration, but rather the product of a complex chain of developments and changes in this plain that we identify as the ‘physical reality.’ I came to the sound conclusion that I am probably not as amused or drawn for many reasons ranging from my own aging process, all the way to my very profound and somewhat demonically-dark metamorphosis; add to that the fact that professional wrestling has turned a tad bit ‘commercial television’ in its façade and with that, rather sterile, and as a result, you have ‘Dull Boy Kade.’ Anyhow, I didn’t know why, but I did often bitch about how boring and pathetic the industry had become, especially the WWE brand; I would rarely enjoy even single aspects of a pay-per-view. Often, I’d find myself thanking the wheel of fate over happening to watch events with even one worthwhile match.

Now, I bitched about Royal Rumble 2006 to those that know me; hell, I watched the PPV with a friend as we teamed up to predict its mediocre outcome. It's also known that I've bitched about most pay-per-views despite the odd occurrence of a good match from time-to-time. All this changed when I got to watch the re-run of WWE’s No Way Out 2006. Fuckin’! Hell! I was intrigued, drawn and surprised even; this PPV had me reacting in an enthusiastic manner, which is significant proof implying that I might not have ‘outgrown’ my taste for professional wrestling after all. This pay-per-view kicked my ass to the farther reaches of the Nether realms and back to bland reality; I was sufferin’ from ‘ass kicking lag;’ I was literally thrown out of sync with time. It should be factored that such contentions are coming from a hard-assed traveller who’s been flying for most of his life-span, and is immune to jet lag, even the most pragmatic forms that can be induced from a rigid flight itinerary. So I was sufferin’ from ‘ass kick lag!’ and damn it felt good. For once, I didn’t feel like a fuckin’ bored shmuck with no hope in sight; media gibberish actually amused me to a degree of lulling my conscious cynicism into a state of childlike joy.

This pay-per-view was plain unique; and it didn’t need fuckin’ glam and highlights to ascertain such creative achievement. I’d be turning this rant into a spoiler if I elaborate any further, which I don’t want to because I know three mean shmucks who actually read this blog, and are wrestling fans. All I can say is that WWE managed to pull a rabbit out of the hat, especially when they themselves didn’t intend for things to get blown -that- far out of proportion, and in a flattering capacity. This pay-per-view was gripping; scintillating; it bested my often accurate predictions; hell, it even ousted my well-established cynicism and reminded me of how I felt when I used to watch wrestling over six-years-ago.

“What the FUCK was THAT?! You just wasted our time with a sappy rant about a wrestling show?” -- Rhetoric.
“Hey! At least it’s different. Besides, I shouldn’t have to justify any of this shit… and it wasn’t sappy!” -- Response.

I’ll close on the note of my stubborn belief that this PPV was in fact a fluke, and probably a ‘single wind’ at best; I know that WrestleMania XIIII (22) will not match up to this in terms of that subtle charm and true appeal; it’ll kick our collective asses with a glamorous booty-load of effects and fireworks, but that is about all it’ll do: offer us lots of fancy fireworks. Of course, WWE are free to prove me wrong, and I hope they do just that: prove me wrong. No Way Out 2006, was a no way out, blissful ass kicking for me, and I am pleased by the product.

“As for WWE! Heh, I don’t think you’ll be pulling out another one of these for -quite- a while! You see, unlike your other disasters; this wasn’t predictably morose; or annoyingly sappy; or just second-rate with lots of glamorous fire-works concealing its mediocrity. This PPV, was just right, and forged a true chemistry between the aforementioned elements! I don’t believe you can execute such chemistry with conscious deliberation. However, I will dare you bastards to pull it off, all over again!” -- Final comments.
As for the rest of you, stay cool, fuckers.

Cheers,
Kade -- Temporarily sane, and actually pleased with fate.

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