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Logo by Julian Spanos

Antitheistic. Long. Perplexing. Offensive. Whatever.

Warning: This blog does not cater to your whims. If you are offended, then I am not obliged to care. It ain't personal until otherwise stated.

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Saturday, April 09, 2005

Royal Wedding--Royal Pain!

Very well then, it’s about high time I have a bitching rant session, myself. Our subject of the day, yes, you guessed it, the fucking wedding. Prince Charles, finally formalising his ties with Camilla Parker Bowles. Of course, this isn’t just an event, it’s a live televised phenomenon that seems to be capturing the hearts, eyes, and half-wit brain cells of many, as though it were the fucking moon landing all over again.

Bloody hell, it’s just a wedding; thousands take place each day. There’s nothing new or groundbreaking about them, or even the concept. It’s a ceremoniously formal acknowledgement of traditionally exclusive spousal relations between two parties. Now could someone tell me, why the fuck is every moment of this shit being televised live? Why is so much TV time for the normal, uncaring folk, being messed up? What purpose do the fuckin’ news segments serve? Why are so many people actually glued to their sets, watching this event as though a few steps down the wedding isle for a couple of middle-aged adulterers were some sort of giant fucking leap for the cave dwelling Neanderthals, classified as human fucking beings.

Surely, there must be more to this wedding than meets the eye, otherwise what would separate it from the rest? Why would so many observe the event like a group of cave-folk, fresh out of the Stone Age? Ah yes, royalty; in this day and age, if having monarchy and glory in over a billion dozen stories wasn’t enough, we still have to have a cheesy version spewing out of our idiot sets. “Oh but do you realize the significance of this event, Kade? It’s a dream, a pending fantasy, finally being realised. A fairy tale even,” some might argue. Well you know what? I apologise, you’re right, there is something significant, charming and mystical even, about a couple of people who’ve been involved in the act of infidelity for nearly two decades, finally legitimising their union - conventionally; oh yes, it’s a fairy tale in the making alright.

“Oh don’t be such a moron! There’s also a lot of controversy behind that entire saga of Charles and Camilla, don‘t forget Diana... So don’t be so shallow and judgemental, people can have other reasons for watching this event,” argue some of the gossip addicts. I am glad they bring up that argument, because where I am given a chance to take shots at the morons who seems to be enthralled by a fucking wedding, I would also like to take the time to thrash the gossip mongering whores who’ve played a part in promoting and making a big deal out of this whole ordeal.

“Oh I wonder what Diana would have thought, had she still been alive, what do you think?” would be a common question. Well, seeing, as Diana’s legacy is all that’s left of her, let’s introspect a bit. Hey, you wanna’ know what I think? I think we should stop beating the dead fucking horse. “Oh, no no no, we cannot over look this question, it’s so important, let’s have yet another documentary on Diana, with this marriage as a spin-off theme, where we repeat the same garbage that we’ve repeated in fifty other documentaries, all over again… Won’t that be fun?” propose and argue these moronic gossip whores. Y’know what? Let me fucking finish; yes, stop beating the dead fucking horse. Let Diana rest in peace for once, god damn it; just when I thought that finally, after seven years down the line, they’ll slowly allow the entire tragedy to rest, the media gets another refreshing excuse to resurrect the tragedy, without even a progressive spin for the apathetic moronic masses. Nothing like hosting more sick alternative spins, on the same fucking tragedy, the same fucking history, the same marriage that we all know never worked out. “We get it, damn it!” However, now we’ve got yet another pointless saga, that will server towards the resurrection of the same dead analysis, all over again; the media necromancers are gathering now.

Every time something happens to Charles, or to Camilla, or their dead fucking dog, TV news and time is riddled with more pointless opinions; the same documentaries are fucking repackaged and jammed down the throats of those of us, who quite frankly, have grown stiff and TIRED of the whole fiasco. We would much rather bite the fucking curb, and go to hell where we get to suffer, watch five-star porn, and listen to heavy metal while Satan kicks our collective ass for leisure… Hey, that actually sounds better, than having to watch a completely bland, annoying, pathetic wedding, between two people, who already have a notoriously well-established relationship. What do the people think about that relationship? Bloody hell, it's been debated for decades now; can the bored mindset of the metro-masses find something better to boggle? It’s sad if this is the sauce that tickles the fancy of modern folk.

Does this entire bitch session insinuate some kind of personal grudge against the couple - hell no, it’s all good. I just couldn’t give a damn on the greater level of wasting my life span on this bullshit. It’s all fuckin’ fine and dandy; just don’t beat it into me. "Oh but Kade, you fucking evil hypocritical bastard! You disrespect us for having a different taste on certain things! How dare you? And you claim to have an open mind," some might argue. Well, does this mean I directly loathe or look down upon those that are interested in this wedding? Not really, actually, I don't mind; you could like it, love it, hate it, or do whatever else you want with it. It’s those common grounds--those domains that we must share, where I start having issues; for example, the news channels, which most of us must share as audience. This endless jabbering about something so fucking trivial, being shoved down my throat--being televised in its BORING entirety is starting to induce repulsion within me against all of this bullshit. It’s just a wedding; they’ve been in relations for decades now; it doesn't matter what the rest of us think; it's a wasted debate that never leads anywhere, and is a waste of good media time; let this case be, just let it fucking rest. I don’t have a problem with what happened, which would be the wedding and even the coverage--I’m merely protesting where it was glorified, which would be the main news.

Now can we talk about something else now? Perhaps an expose on ass-less leather chaps would make for a better discussion in contrast. Point has been made, so can we please put this case to fucking rest? Give me back some real "news" or some worthwhile TV shows. I am not going to sit there and watch every single insignificant second of this bullshit while resisting the urge to take out both of my eyes with a pitchfork.

"Oh look, here we have the grass for the garden, where the ceremony is being held. It's been perfectly cut, and as you can see, bares a symmetrical pattern on both sides of the isle, something analysts claim is being done to reflect on the bond between the Prince and Ms. Parker Bowles." - …no shit!

No more! No more!

Stay cool, and boycott this bullshit, fuckers!

Cheers,
A very screwed up Kade

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